It hurts!

I have just realized that I haven't written too much about the good things in my life.
Today I won't do that either.
Last night I was talking to my mom and she said that during the time when she was pregnant with me , she was never happy. She was never spoiled and loved like most pregnant women are, no one showed her that she was loved and needed, no one hugged her,kissed her, carressed her.
My father didn't do that! I guess he never loved me. Or he never loved me enough. When you want a child, I think that you show your love for that child even if you don't love the woman who carries that child. If he didn't want me, then why did he accept to have me? Was it because my mom wanted to have me? Because I know how much my mom loves me. Her love is one of the few things in my life that I am sure of!
My father didn't love me!!!
I realized that yesterday night. He did't want me.
I have nice memories about him. But I don't remember a moment when I felt he loved me. A gesture, a sign, something..............I don't remember that