I am in a bad mood. And I was really looking forward to this week-end. My friends and I decided to go window shopping, since we are all broke. Hihi! but they called me to tell me that it is too cold outside. HELLO! There are 10 degrees celsius. Whatever.
Another friend of mine is having a nervous brakedown : she's too fat to go out, she says. But she is not. And even if she was, if she thinks that she is too fat, how come she gets dressed like that and why is she going to work?!?!?!?!?!? i know that she is going through a rough period, but I am not feeling well either.
Anyway, this morning, when a friend of mine called me to tell me that she took the train and went to the mountains, it suddenly hit me : I am too lazy, too scared, too afraid to change the way I live my life. I never take chances because I am scared that something wrong might happen to me. The last time I decided to take a chance I almost died in a car crash. Sure, I realised then that someone up there really loves me, that is probably the only good thing that came out of that trip.
I am afraid that if I continue like this I might end up regreting my life. But at the same time I feel my will and my stregth paralised.
A friend of mine took a one-month trip to Thailand. And she came home decided to go back there someday. Yesterday she tells me that she found an oportunity to go back : as a UN volunteer for the tsunami disaster. Her mom worked for the UN in Romania. And she tells me to go with her. And I want to, so bad!!!!! But what holds me back? Why don't I go there?
Sure, the only thing that prevents me from going is the thought that my mom would be left here. But I wouldn't have to go for a long time......................I don't know. It is such a torment. So far away from home, so many things to do there, so many things to do here as well.